so many health problems right now... COVID again for the last couple of weeks, I just finally tested negative again on Saturday. Before that something else, I can't even remember, but I was in bed a lot, fatigue that keeps coming back.
It's not my usual general malaise, I don't think. It's physical stuff that keeps me in bed, and then that leads to the malaise.
And interspersing it, these terrible cramps, taking over my life, forcing me to my bed for a day or two every time, but with increasing frequency. Not just every month anymore.. horrifyingly a few months ago, it was on average every 14 days. EUGGHH. I pull the curtains shut and just live in this cave with my heating pad and my aleve schedule and CBC radio and crosswords. I'm sure there is more I should be doing to resolve this. An ultrasound at the very least. I've resolved to get to the doctor on Wednesday, so I can get moving on this before head back to the Congo in mid-April for a month.
'
*
In DC at the Yo La Tengo show, the lead singer was saying something mildly self-disparaging about a lyric he wrote and someone just in front of me shouted (reassuringly, I guess?) "YOU ARE LOVED" and i just thought it was the dumbest thing to yell.
*
I was telling E about an article I read about a pill developed for "pre-alcoholics", which i a population that sounds like .. well....me, and many of the people I know. You're meant to take it before you drink and it basically blocks the euphoria that comes with alcohol, so you don't end up overdrinking whilst trying to preserve your buzz. So now E and I refer to our habits as "chasing euphoria". I must say, I moved back to DC three weeks ago and have found myself chasing euphoria more often than I do in Toronto where I've been living with both R's steadying influence and my father's depressing example of the dangers of too much euphoria.
5:35 p.m. - 2023-03-27
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