Very cold but very sunny and a beautiful blue sky, yet i can't seem to get outside. Am sliding into a bit of a malaise where i need to go outside to feel better but i don't feel well enough to go outside. I am reading mindless british mystery novels and staying up too late. Doomscrolling a fair bit. Sort of sliding along the surface of my life instead of actually engaging with anything. .

Work is going to get very terrible for the next 2 months and I don't want to do any of it. I applied for a job i didn't really want, and I didn't get it, and I'm demoralized. I've been falling into the trap where i just say, "tomorrow I'll start fresh and everything will be ok", when i know the only way to do anything is to just start doing one thing right now, and then finish that, and then start the next thing, and then eventually i get momentum and it doesn't feel like i'm dragging myself up a hill.

At least this afternoon I'm putting things away from last weekend's ski adventure. Then perhaps yes, I will go and get some sun on my face, or whatever part of my face peeks out between my toque and my scarf.

2:33 p.m. - 2022-01-21