when i get back from these long trips i kind of drift around for a while trying to remember what i'm doing here and then one day it kind of clicks. i struggle with the everydayness of it. Is this what we do? is this... it? Far cry from my boat commute with 4 armed guards in eastern Congo two weeks ago.

on Thursday night i watch Spinal Tap over zoom with E, J , and D and then I call R to say good night. His smile is huge. I usually keep Thursdays for my friends and he wasn't expecting me to call.

On Friday i wake up at 6am to work, and then emerge around noon. I bring my lunch into the front room where my dad is reading the new yorker. He asks me, "what is this 'woke' i see everywhere? Where did this come from?". I try to explain as I eat my salad. Crunchy fresh vegetables. I can't get enough of them. Afraid of food poisoning, I've been only eating cooked food for a month. I finish my salad and eat a potato chop - my brother's favourite food - my mom made them for him on the weekend and saved four for me. I flip through another new yorker (they are everywhere in my parents' house) and come across a particularly hilarious cartoon, show my dad, and we laugh and laugh [it was this one]. The snow is falling outside. I'm so happy. It clicks.

1:28 p.m. - 2022-03-11