Been in Canada for a week and I am tempted to stay. Instead of spending all my time with BT, I just came home to stay with my parents and it's the best here. Some working from home but also just taking some time off. I made jam with my mum. Seeing some old friends, and hanging out with cousins. I am re-reading the Lord of the Rings. My dad and I made a pinhole camera out of a Special K box and watched the eclipse.

Charlottesville and everything that's falling out from that is just not inspiring me to head back to DC, although i did go to a very touching candlelight vigil last week at the white house (what i really wanted was to scream and smash things/huddle at home watching Younger. I don't even know anymore. Nazis are obvs always bad, but i really felt disturbed, walking down the street wondering who thinks I am genetically inferior/should leave the country/etc.). Tried to take a break from news [read: compulsive checking of Twitter] but I haven't been too successful.

Last week my brother had an engagement party for 80, with a tent and caterers and rented tables and white tablecloths and mason jars filled with flowers and tea lights and burlap runners. Pinterest central. We are very different people. But the food was great and he seems happy. I had a conversation with his fiancee, who is anxious to start a family because she "is already 31". lol. I need to try harder to connect with this woman, but it's hard to find an in. I try to ask questions but then I fall into a hole where i genuinely don't approve/care about the answers and i can't steer my way out of the hole so i bail. My sister is much better at it, I need to watch and figure out how she does it. It must be possible to find common ground. Same with my brother, I only have one. It's just that they never visit - i don't know how to convey that i'm actually quite fun.

Cool and green here, near Toronto. i fall asleep listening to the trees. Trees! We have to drive everywhere, which feels weird and I kind of forgot what that was like... just jumping in the car for every little thing. But other that that, i am wondering how to arrange my life so one day i can live in the country again. In this country again. Both.

10:17 a.m. - 2017-08-24