It feels like every time I go out with anyone these days, at some point the conversation hits a point where we acknowledge how truly awful everything is in terms of impending climate change and rising inequality, and the uselessness of our political system to address it. Eventually we get to the impending collapse of human civilization as we know it. Once, a while ago, I'd have spoken earnestly and passionately about some fight, any fight. Then I just stopped talking about that kind of thing. And there is now a weary cynicism. I can't figure out what triggered this sudden hopelessness that seems to affect almost everyone I know. It's not just me. It's everyone. But things have been this bad for a while, right? Why now?

It's affecting me. I feel a deep anxiety that reminds me of being 9 and certain that there was going to be a nuclear holocaust. I clearly remember planning out where to hide when the explosions started. So going on with my days, but with a sense of the futility of it all.

*

Yesterday I fell off my bike and bruised my left side pretty badly and scraped my right hand... overall I got off pretty lucky, but still. It was stupid. And then around midnight, I was cleaning up the kitchen and stretched up to put a bottle of olive oil up onto a top shelf and it slipped out of my injured hand and shattered oil and glass across my entire kitchen so that I had to hobble around on my hands and knees t sop up the oil, sweep up the glass and then mop up the whole mess.. all the while jarring my bruised elbow. At some point it all became too much and I let me face crumple up and burst into tears like a cartoon toddler. And of course immediately felt ridiculous and simultaneously a bit better.

12:05 p.m. - 2014-06-02