blergh, smoky bar til 4am and I feel it. Fortunately I didn't drink too much. I think it's more the accumulation of everyone else's smoke + the late night. Plus old, I suppose.

I'm reading again. I have a book of poetry next to my bed and it's so good I have to stop myself from gobbling down all the poems in one sitting. And I'm re-reading 100 years of solitude, which brings me back to slow July days when I read it the first time in Ottawa. It took me the whole summer, sitting on my futon, savouring each page because every paragraph was a whole world. Probably stoned, now that I think of it. In my apartment on the third floor, living with 3 women who I was so excited to live with, but who I never really spoke to again after that summer.

I just went back in this journal and flipped through the entries of that summer, 2001. Earnest, cutesy entries. Quite cryptic. I think I already knew that one of those roommates was reading this. And she wanted me to lock it up, and I wouldn't, and then we stopped being friends and it broke my heart, a bit, in a way that boys never did.

Ha! found an entry about being a romantic and wanting to be in love, and it ends, "I want to fast forward my life fifteen years, just to make sure that I end up happy, and not living in a basement apartment with cats"

Well. it's almost 15 years later. And I think I'll need another 15 to see if I end up happy or living in a basement with cats.

Although now I can think of worse ways to go.

12:23 p.m. - 2014-06-03