i am hanging on by a Very Thin Thread. I mean it. I'm on the verge of some kind of meltdown...
I don't know what's going to set it off, but i do know that it won't be pretty.
I know i've always been an emotional person, and that's a good thing. But these days i'm irrational. Not. So. Good. I can't explain how i feel or where this came from, but I've been on the losing edge of tears all day.
Maybe it's the fact that i can't breathe or swallow and my head is going to explode and i try to sleep but i can't cause my eyes sting.
Beginning evasion procedures. I'm heading home for the weekend. My dad will light a fire and my mom will make me soup and i will pet my dog and i will be defused.
or diffused... this mood will aerosolize and float away. and i will breathe in fresh air and feel better.
*
sometimes i feel like i'm part of something bigger, and i can feel collective breathing and thoughts and usually it's music that sends me there, but sometimes it's the blue snow at 5:30, or casual endearments, or the strong wind from the north, pushing me along the ice.
but these days there's nothing greater than us. we're all just walking along with our heads down thinking only of ourselves and some people are kind but everyone else is letting me down and it's depressing and that's why i feel like this.
5:06 p.m. - 2002-01-17
Recent entries:
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