11:11 p.m. Today I stood in line at the hardware store holding burglar bars for the front of my house, thinking about barbed wire, and then I caught sight of a little keychain-sized can of mace and asked for that... so I'm looking at it, pondering its efficacy and suddenly caught myself and wondered, what the fuck am I doing? This kind of living in fear is ridiculous. So I put the mace back, have shelved the idea of barbed wire. The bars are going on, but that's fun, cause I get to use a drill, and i'd like to see someone aim a brick through those bars. * I love not working all the time. I have time to ride my bike (when it doesn't have flats from all the glass in the French Quarter), weed the garden around my tomatoes, make real dinners, drink coffee and think about nothing, go to lots of shows.... Yes, school is a lot of work, but it's nothing compared to the drudgery of corporate whoredom. I feel like life is a lot more fun again. i'm nursing an injury from the Rock n' Bowl, so that will be all.
i hate how jaded i'm feeling. Even in this environment, I find it hard to be certain that it will all work out... i mean, of course it will, because life just works out. But tonight I feel mired in old dreams and it's hard to look forward with confidence. It may have something to do with the fact that i'm still picking glass out of my feet after someone threw a brick through my window on Sunday night. My first thought was that the window had been shot out - it just exploded, shattering glass throughout my room. It took me a while to unfreeze long enough to notice the brick that landed on my bed, a few inches from my feet. I'm lucky I wasn't hurt and I mostly just feel that way - grateful, and a bit shaken, but not too badly. The cop who came to take the report advised, "pray to God to cloak you from these random acts" which was not exactly the response I was looking for when I asked if they were increasing patrols in this area. Oh, south. Sometimes you are scary on so many levels.
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