Today we talked about who could act as the primary investigator for our upcoming grant in the event that J is "incapacitated" which, i guess, is going to be our euphemism for his prognosis following the most recent scan results. It was the first time that he brought up his potential absence (to use a euphemism myself). I followed his cue, debated the options without blinking, and then we moved on to other business.

I think it's been a month since the scan, so that's a week spent shattered and shell-shocked, and then a week with it right there in the room with us the whole time as we pretended we could work, and then a week of pretending that nothing had changed.

I've been thinking I'll try to stay here, when I finish. I'd like to keeping working with him, if I can. Maybe in a few years we'll look back at these months as just a bad scare. It's just that the odds say we won't.

7:49 p.m. - 2012-05-11