This is the moment that you know / when you told her that you loved her, but you don't.
Death Cab

it's no fun distancing yourself from someone when they actually let you go. You get so tired of trying and you finally make that double-or-nothing gamble and then suddenly you're freefalling and you know - you've always known (deep down) - that they would not be there to catch you. And then it gets lost. Gone. I'm always shaken at how tenuous our connections are, how easily they disappear.

[Oh, if it was only that neat. I distance myself in baby steps, tentatively, without conviction. Always looking over my shoulder and ever ready to run back if there's the slightest indication that I am loved.]

*

"and we know who we should love but we're never certain how."

who said that? oh, who else... the weakerthans comin' through for me again.

I'm back, hey? I really am.

selling my hillside ticket and that makes me SO upset, but a lovely weekend coming up nonetheless.

2:55 p.m. - 2005-07-21