just adding to that last entry...

i don't know how i feel about going home. or i don't know how i feel about going home and then leaving again.

maybe i need to go home and remember all the things that Canada does not have and India does.

But right now. Now. I took an overnight flight and i haven't slept. And there's a three inch cockroach on the floor by my foot and my stomach is churning (and i think it's because i ate the tomatoes and i KNEW i shouldn't) and there are no clean toilets. Maybe no public toilets. And i have to figure out how to get across this ginormous city to the bus station. And i never want to see another lonely planet book again, especially in Bangkok where people carry them around like bibles.

I just want to lie on a clean carpet. I want to walk barefoot in my house and not end up with black feet. I want to breathe fresh air. Drive through wide open spaces. I want to drink tea with my mum, have a cold beer with my friends, go dancing, blend into the crowd, wear whatever i want without worrying that it's too revealing/tight/western.

i want to just accept everything i see without having to consider it through a culturally sensitive lens.

I want to flirt with someone and not have it be interpreted as western sluttiness or interest in marriage (i know there are some indian guys who get the balance between the two, but there are a whole lot more who don't).

I want to stop at a red light, and just sit there without having to pretend i can't see the legless beggar who has dragged himself to my car and is repeatedly banging his head against the glass to get my attention.

*

i hope that canada is less work. Cause i am tired.

9:11 a.m. - 2004-01-09