oh the trip is done and now i start work. I'm staying in an ominous-sounding alley which is full of stalls advertising "cheap silencers"

incredibly long discussion with a stall owner, and i think this may mean "mufflers"

*

i have been hit hard with homesickness. It's not that i don't want to be here... it's just that there a whole lot of people who should be here with me.

now that i'm not travelling anymore, i have to face the fact that i'm doing this thing completely without support. I don't have an organization to count on for help with things... i have to figure out where everything is on my own.

i don't have anyone to share my experiences with. i try to explain WHY the horns here are so funny, but the indians don't get it. To them, it is perfectly normal for a bus horn to sound like a dying donkey.

i want to go adventuring, but i'm sick of getting followed. I jabbed the last guy who groped me, but the next one is getting a punch in the stomach. i don't want to carry mace and i don't want to stay home.

i've taken to humming enrique iglesias under my breath because it's familiar.

And i don't feel a kinship anymore. I can't look around here and think - oh, these people are indian and so am i.

i look around and think - oh, these people are indian. i am canadian. this place is different.

rationally, i know it's because i am sick and i'm tired and i haven't eaten a full meal in nearly 6 days.

but right now, it's all stretching ahead in a lonely sort of way.

and it is worse because life at home continues without me. and i'm here. moorless. Drifting around... and i have been for 5 years now. when will i just settle? where? with who?

I'm not so good at admitting i need help. but. i need help.

7:56 p.m. - 2003-09-07