further analyzing my annoyance of an hour ago (see previous entry, cleverly titled "grrr. GRRRRR."):
i think i was
1. annoyed because i really do think it's rude to push aside one friend for another� it's one thing if you're talking to an acquaintance� but if it's a FRIEND� come on! bad form.
2. i was more hurt because it was a very good friend saying that she didn't want to talk to me, she'd rather talk to this other person�one of my closest friends� so i was hurt that i was moving to second place.
3. maybe i was just a teensy - did i just write teensy? i did. let's chalk it up to me being distraught. i digress - teensy bit jealous� you see, my friend D. and the guy who called, J., are "seeing each other". so now they have something that i don't. they have that pre-relationship excitement/glow/happiness. and i am excluded from that.
so i did find it rude�but rude things don't usually bother me for more than fifteen seconds. i probably got annoyed because i was hurt and jealous that D and J have something that i don't. and i worried that it proved i WAS going to lose two friends when (if?) they get together. not lose them altogether. but it DOES change things.
conclusion: i analyze everything to death.
i miss having a posse. that group of friends that i do everything with. i need that. i'm tired of these wonderful people who love me, but happen to be scattered all over the world. I NEED A POSSE. i am tired of this feeling of distance. i am surrounded by people, but i'm alone.
wow. i'm getting clich�. i sound like a Britney song:
She's so lucky, she's a star/ But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking /If there's nothing missing in my life /Then why do these tears come at night
heh heh heh� quoting britney.
time to go to bed.
Here's some Tori to wash that bad britney taste from your mouth:
"..i've cuts on my knees, falling down as the winter takes one more cherry tree"
bonus Tori: "so you can make me cum, does that make you Jesus?"
12:20am - 2001-01-03
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