1:07 p.m.
strange things are percolating in my dreams. In the middle of the night I find myself suddenly and completely awake with lucid sentences clear in my mind, as though my subconscious came up with something that my conscious needed to hear.

these fragments used to arrive in my brain all the time; I thought perhaps my subconscious was churning out a novel that I wasn't paying attention to. These days they are much more rare. Perhaps contrary to what might seem logical, I take these fragments to be a sign of mental health, a signal that all components of my brain are communicating and that I have enough space in my life for creativity (even if I'm not sure what to do with it).

from wednesday: i woke up at three am and an old man's voice said in my head, what were you thinking? relationships don't work when one sees the other in terms of the possibilities for one's own redemption

and last night, a scornful child's voice with a southern twang: "if you think that being with him is the only way you can be the person you want to be, then i feel sorry for you"

2006-05-14

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