2:33 p.m.
i have an unidentifiable feeling in my stomach, extending up into my chest. kind of jittery and empty in the stomach, and heavy on my chest, and I have no idea what it means. and of course there are the quivery wrists.

I could blame it on the coffee, but i don't think it is that simple.

Something is brewing - my body knows it, but my mind's not there yet.

I'd try to talk it out, but this is when the novelist in me hijacks my brain and i find myself acting out a part, saying things because they sound right, and i end up wasting two hours of someone's time and am ultimately no closer to insight than i was before i started.

i feel: betrayed / apprehensive / truculent / free / curious / detached / alone

All those things all at once? ?! i don't know what it means either. Betrayed and free are the most interesting. I'm generally apprehensive, truculent, and detached, so no surprise. Especially the truculent, lately.. too bad for everyone around me.

where are you, zen?

2005-08-05

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