In the end I was too sick to make it to the lake. R went out for a 35 km bike ride - the kind of distance I also used to do casually - and i slept and read more murderbot. But today I feel mostly better, though still very tired. Going to the doctor later to understand my Options. Been trying to get back to work but my brain doesn’t seem to function normally.
*
BT is packing up to move to his new home and he found some of my clothes. He sent me a picture - a hoody, a dress, some underwear, a shirt. That was another lifetime, a different timeline.
*
I went to my parents place to meet a friend of my dad’s, Mike, who has come to visit from France. They last lived together in 1963, in Yorkshire. They haven’t seen each other for 25 years, but Mike told me, a bit emotionally, that he has learned that time doesn’t matter with really good friends. He is on a bit of a tour around the world to meet all the people he loves.
I was hoping to hear some old stories [1963! a storied year!], or through his eyes to get a glimpse of my dad that I remember from childhood, who inspired that kind of love, but it was hard. My dad was kind of mentally absent, and as much as he was present was fixated on some soup spoons that Mike had bought at Canadian Tire, and on getting the garbage out tomorrow. He made an excellent chicken curry tho… no one makes chicken curry like my dad.
My mom, ever supportive, whisked Mike away to buy said soup spoons so my dad could cook in peace. It was nice to see them working together. The house felt peaceful and the evening sunlight through the kitchen windows was beautiful. I dreamed of R and I getting old together, woke up wondering which of us will die first.
9:55 a.m. - 2023-05-25
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