my sister is visiting with her kids and her husband and so we play this game where my dad slowly gets angrier and angrier because the world is not rotating around him.

My sister is sleeping on the floor in a room off the kitchen and he's unloading the dishwasher while she's trying to get the baby to sleep. I go in to help to try to make it faster - heaven forbid anyone ask him to just leave it to tomorrow - and he snatches the plates from my hands. There's part of him that longs to hurl them at my head. I feel the anger vibrating in him as he hisses at me: "don't ever tell me what to do". We waver on the edge of violence and then I step back.

later, I try to appease him: "look, i didn't mean anything badly, I just know that they're exhausted and I could hear you from downstairs". He tells me I'm not concentrating on what I'm doing and I should stay out of his way.

you can take the alcohol out of the alcoholic but they're still really mean. Living with him is always always about appeasing, placating, adjusting, accommodating.

9:18 p.m. - 2022-03-15