Family networks: My brother's mother in law, talking to my mom, mentions her daughter (my sister in law) was getting her COVID shot. She's 34 and has no high risk conditions. My mom and I deduce she must be pregnant. Another baby for my younger siblings, and it's the first one that doesn't send me into a crisis of self-pity. I just feel happy and excited for them, and for us.

I think about baking them cupcakes to celebrate. The province is on extreme lockdown and we're supposed to stay home. I can just leave them at the door? Will my SIL even want them? How do cupcakes go with nausea?

While I'm mulling that over, the doctor calls with results from my dad's biopsy. It's a type of lymphoma and it is fast growing. They recommend chemo, starting ASAP.

Because of COVID it's a phone appointment and I listen from the hallway, give them some time, wondering how much privacy he would want... then decide that this is the way it's going to be, living here, and I just join the discussion. More heads will be better than fewer heads in this situation.

Does my dad know what lymphoma is? Nobody said the word "cancer". I think he understands that chemo is something unpleasant, but i'm not even sure about that. Bone marrow biopsy. Heart stress test. 2nd dose of Pfizer will get moved up. Treatment plan. Lots of needles, lots of hospital time. My mom takes on the challenging task of repeating it, carefully, so that he understands. He nods, but the only question he asks is about his health card, which is expiring in September. We both explain there are exceptions because of COVID and it's fine. He nods. After an hour he gets up and announces he's going to the service centre to renew his health card.

*

Later, my mom gets uncharacteristically flustered around dinner preparations and sautes chicken and onions and pierogies, which totally clashes with the hoisin/ginger vegetable tofu stirfry i'd started to prep between meetings. Food is normally something so effortless for both of us, yet we mill around the kitchen for ten minutes completely helpless and perplexed and stressed about how to make dinner.

12:53 p.m. - 2021-04-29