listening to the Emile Mosseri cover of "San Francisco (be sure to wear flowers in your hair)" from the movie Last Man in San Fransisco and feeling a little hopeful. All across the nation / Such a strange vibration / People in motion / There's a whole generation / With a new explanation .

Strange vibration, sounds about right. Burn it all down. No gentle people here.

*
i've been starting work early.. like 630 or 7, so sometimes i'm done by 3 or 4. Yesterday I made restaurant quality spanakopita with chard, chives, mint from my balcony (and a bag of frozen spinach and a bunch f broccoli rabe). I made peach tarts with the leftover phyllo. I sat out on the balcony with a beer while they baked (because oven in june). E and I went for a bike ride and I met her new cat... she's moving in with her boyfriend soon and they're setting off on their new life together. He drools a lot but he is very soft and fluffy and beautiful (the cat. not the boyfriend).

*
My sister sent some photos of the kids and then texted me: how are you today?

And I texted back: I’m fine. I like my day to day. Slept well. My coffee is good, the milk is so sweet today*. The apartment is tidy. The weather is beautiful. On the counter are tarts i made with farmers market peaches. I just feel such a pang when I see your kids.

And just typing that last line made me cry, very hard, for a few moments**. But then I dried my eyes and sipped my delicious coffee and kept going with my day. Is that resilience?

My sister texted me back: we love you so much

You can't always get all that you want, but I got so so much.

______
*we had this game we played as children, where we rated the milk (scale: sweet / not sweet). This is also a good game to play with clementine segments (scale:thumbs up/ thumbs neutral/thumbs down) In hindsight, we did not get a lot of sugar.
** Just typing it now makes me cry again. Again I dried my eyes and kept going.

12:52 p.m. - 2020-06-25