I was only home for 9 days and now I'm away on another work trip. I'm back in Addis, where I feel really at home, so it's lovely and easy, even though my beloved Princess R is not in town this time. I'm going to give up this portfolio so this is probably one of my last trips here... for now, anyway.

Partied too hard with J on Friday night. He has this amazing house with 3 floors and a million terraces. We were up all night and between the two of us finished 4 bottles of wine +... He left to run some extremely shady errand around 5:30 and I went up to one of the terraces and watched the sun rise over Addis. I listened to all the birds waking up and the call for prayer. I admired the feathery silhouette of the palms against the dawn sky. I breathed in the smoky smell I always associate with this city and the cool and hopeful morning air and tried to calm my mind.

I think I got back to my hotel at 10am, barely managed to keep my eyes open long enough to eat an egg sandwich, and then slid under the crisp white cotton duvet and slept all day. I was so pleased to be able to just be alone with my room service and my kindle. I am increasingly out of the habit of socializing.

J had a lot of things to talk about - just random things about his relationships and various escapades from his life. We watched youtube videos his friend made and I looked at some of his photos and he told me stories about the people in them. I didn't have much to say. What was I going to do, pull out photos of BT? Or my sister and my niece? I don't seem to remember or share anecdotes the way other people do. I do have stories... we were talking about his friend who lived in Guyana for Peace Corps and I had so many snapshots in my mind from my time there - I remember watching the full moon rising over the essequibo river and the sharp smell of diesel as the overnight boat glided through the jungle. Hanging hammocks under a school deep in the amazon and wrapping a mosquito net carefully around me to sleep. I remember the heavy sweet aroma of the rum distilleries. Dancing soca through the whole city following some parade. Smoking with rastas and swaying to reggae. Swimming in black water creeks. Watching the little girls in the orphanage wine down to a coke bottle and back up.

I have so many stories but when it comes to hanging out, I don't really pull them out.. I just listen. I just don't know how to give new people a sense of who I am. I think it puts the burden of entertaining on the other person, which may be annoying, but on the plus side I'm a great listener and i know what is funny, so maybe it works out. Thinking about this a lot as I seem to be now making a whole new life. How do I say, "hello, I am the sum of all these parts, this is me" ?

10:10 a.m. - 2019-08-06