Beautiful weather this weekend but I spent all Saturday afternoon with E in IKEA in the suburbs. [cue: horror movie music.] And Sunday I'd planned a hike with my friend but in the morning it was raining and her kids wanted to see Avengers so we spent the whole afternoon in the movie theatre in a giant mall while it was the most beautiful spring day outside. eugh. At least I saw it with a couple of teenagers who could explain all the stuff that made no sense to me (including: why are there 21 marvel movies?). Anyway- who doesn't want to hang out with Robert Downey Jr for 3 hours, and it was quality time with families, which was nice for solo me.

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My Suburban Weekend made me realize how easy it would be to become disconnected from trees and the natural world - drive there through concrete and manicured lawns, "outside" from the covered parking lot to the mall, it's impossible to know how much time is passing while you're under those white lights, buy stuff, eat salty and sugary nonsense at a food court, drive home, repeat. I found that maze of parking garages and lack of windows and all the *stuff* so overwhelming.

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My sister called to say she is having another baby. She was really sensitive about it and I appreciated her effort: she said, "look, i know all we talk about is babies now and if that's hard for you, I understand". I took a couple of days and now I'm on board. Going to try to get to visit her this month to hang out with my niece and do some laundry or whatever it is that can be a little helpful to a woman with a full time high powered job, a breastfeeding 15 month old, and extreme all-the-time nausea and exhaustion.

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Meanwhile, I am still tired a lot of the time. I have trouble sleeping and then in the morning I am very slow and struggle to wake up. My skin is still flaking off and dry and itchy. Something is Not Right. Is this just depression and allergies? Feels BAD, dudes. I made an appointment to get bloodwork done to have my thyroid checked tomorrow morning. I keep feeling like I should do something extreme like cut all sugar and alcohol and caffeine out of my diet for a month and see how i feel. or something. But then i just don't want to. Cutting back? ok, but it's not like I drink coke for breakfast. Also I tweaked some nerve in my back so I can't bike. For now, I'm lying on the couch looking at the trees and feeling a bit sorry for myself. Going to work in a moment.

10:24 a.m. - 2019-04-29