It's Mardi Gras in New Orleans but I didn't go this year... felt right to stay here and work on being in one place. JR is texting me updates. He's such a grinch, gleefully texting me about the tornado warning over the lake; the temperature plunging*. I picture him twirling a moustache and cackling.

Regardless, this weekend brought more partying. Friends, music, not much drinking but various other substances. I feel better than i have in a while. I was surprised at how easily i just slid back into this life. I had put this part of me away and it's nice to have her back. Somehow BT and i didn't do these kind of reckless, see-where-the-night-goes evenings very well in the last couple of years. Part of me always wanting to settle down with a white picket fence... so these kinds of nights often took a left turn down a dark alley as one of us overdid it. Also everything with my dad and watching that situation get worse and worse. Just felt good to be more sober, and now it feels good to be not that sober.

Last night J and I pushed to the front of the crowd and just soaked up a wall of sound at a deerhunter show and then, I don't know, it got late. I like him... it's good to have new friends. It is a bit crazy how many of my closest friends have names that start with "J"... JQ, JR, another JR, JC, JY. These are pretty much the only people I ever talk to. I'm going to have to come up with better descriptors.

I stayed in bed all day, just reading and listening to the radio. I read old modern love columns and tried to imagine how I would tell my story. In a few minutes I will go out into the rain, walk the city for a few hours, pursue small connections - I'm stopping at J's place to check her mail and water her plant. I'm meeting A for dinner. This was a nice weekend. I'm so relieved I can have those again.

*like halloween in the north, cold temps are a death knell for mardi gras.

3:09 p.m. - 2019-03-03