I went to meet some friends for a drink thursday night and ended up back at their place chilling for hours. They had some e that my friend brought from Nigeria and we finished a bottle of tequila. My friend sent me a video from that evening, three of us snuggled on a couch. I am in constant motion, my upper body lean and angular, waving my arms to make every point, my hair askew and huge and curly. I watched the video and thought, "oh - there you are"

It was grey and cloudy, so no sunrise, but I watched the sky lighten and then called a lyft. I got home at 6 on Friday morning and fell into bed with my coat on until 9 when a utility guy came to install something.

Friday all day I had some meetings I took from home and obviously was exhausted but i felt loose and relaxed and calm and accepting. I met this dude for lunch - our second..date? I guess, since it's from my forays onto the apps. We went to the Indian place near my house I've wanted to try. I was 15 minutes late, as per usual, but all things considered i thought I did quite well to get there at all. He's cool, I'd hang out again, but i could feel his skepticism. I might be *a lot* for most people. He's looking for instant fireworks and I don't believe in those anymore. Nonetheless, I remain the Queen of Wanting What I Can't Have, and I leaned in to the hug as we said goodbye and felt a ghost of.. something. Interest? Attraction? Another super sporty far-left designer/carpenter, so i guess I have a type.

This is my new normal. Life goes on. I guess the best way to sum it up is that I have a whole weekend ahead of me and instead of it being an ocean of time I have to wade through, i'm excited to have all this time to myself to do things I want to do: putter around my apartment that i own and unpack a bit more; bake some bread; go to the library; meet my friend for dinner; go to the farmer's market and drop off my compost. It's not what I wanted but it's what i have and it's not so bad.

*
my mom called. She found the spot my dad hides his whiskey. Behind his chair... I thought i looked everywhere in that room but i never looked behind his chair. He's averaging 14 oz a night. I invited him to come visit and he declined. He says he can't do that anymore.

8:02 a.m. - 2019-03-02