in Prince Edward Island with my parents, who, as of yesterday, have now been to all 10 provinces in Canada and 2 territories (they haven't been to Nunavut). There is a great cast iron crab sponge holder in our Air BnB. A CRAB HOLDING A SPONGE! Also there are beaches and cliffs and fields and lobsters.

I noticed a shift in my brain recently. More and more when i think of all the things I want to do with my time, I'm imagining things I do on my own.I want to do a solo bike and camp trip this year, even though the thought of camping alone in the woods in America scares the hell out of me. I started looking into a hiking trip to Northern BC when I can organize the time and money to do so. Next summer I'll go back to the lake for family camping but I'm going to go by myself, early, and get some quiet forest time. This kind of dreaming is new, but a sign of my times. I turn 39 this year and I guess i've gotten used to doing my own thing. It seems so not worth it to deal with convincing BT to do the thing and finding a time that works for both of us and then figuring out the financing and logistics for both of us and the best way to work it out so it has max surfing opportunities or whatever. It turns out I've been doing my own thing for the last 20 years - including almost 10 in this relationship - and I just didn't fully realize it.

This morning I was chatting with the owner of the place we're staying - a super cool woman in her 60s - and she told me about how she and her husband took a year off and just traveled around Canada with their two youngest kids (11 and 12). They homeschooled them, and just hit all the corners of the country. I want that. It's BT's nightmare. Solution: solo plans. Yes, a part of me feels sad that I didn't find some partner who is my best friend and co-conspirator and we share everything and live happily ever after. But then the rest of me feels so free and light to be letting go of that. The world feels open again. It seems so simple in hindsight but I had a hard time getting to this place.

1:18 p.m. - 2018-08-26