I am sitting at my kitchen table answering emails with the door open and sunshine pouring in from the deck. I have, for once, showered. I am wearing a kimono and drinking my coffee and i think i might be happy.

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I went home for a weekend of milestones - my brother's girlfriend's bridal shower on Friday; a dear friend's 40th + housewarming (for a house she *owns*! this is a miracle, especially for single people) on Saturday; and my sister and niece's baby shower on Sunday. I was a bit bracing for it given that I have none of those things (except the encroaching 40) but was okay. The niece helps because she's a lovely baby and there is something very hopeful about babies, even when it seems probable that we are depositing them into a steadily declining disaster of a world.

Home was fraught but i was already reminded of that when I was there last month so was prepared for all the things... I printed out some literature on drinking for my dad and had a conversation about it. He's ramped up to scotch starting at 2pm on a weekday so by dinner he's completely out of it. I wouldn't say i'm okay with it but i was less shocked than i have been on previous occasions. Life can be sad sometimes, which is why it feels like a minor miracle to be sitting here feeling more or less content.

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i spaced and forgot to get a visa for ethiopia next week and i also spaced and forgot about my mammogram today even tho i had a reminder text last night. : / geh. Hate that. my brain gets overwhelmed sometimes .

8:40 a.m. - 2018-05-03