Filling time with things that need to be done, feeling some satisfaction but also that sense of killing time. The house is clean, the succulents have been re-potted. There are groceries in the fridge. The radio is my best friend... alternating between npr and streaming cbc. For some reason i never listen to podcasts but I can listen to radio all day long.

I have a vase of purple tulips on the table and they really make me happy.

Went to see a movie with a friend on Friday, then out for dinner and drinks. And on Saturday I was home and another friend texted to see if i was around, i was, and i biked down and had a glass of wine and then we walked home together. Small tendrils of a life that is mine here. Felt great to be out on my bike again even though i could feel the way the bottom bracket is falling apart and I need to replace it, and possibly the back wheel is broken? Next weekend. Once you start with the projects, they can just take over.

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I've had bronchitis for more than 2 weeks now, which is exhausting - a hacking cough, my stomach muscles are killing me. On Friday I had a phone call with my therapist, who i saw in Mtl when I was there last week, and the two of us were coughing, back and forth, the same cough. My fault. Perfect opening for my therapist to remind me about not taking responsibility for everything. Etc.

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Talked to my sister yesterday, videochat, with a sweet sleeping baby strapped to her chest. First time we've spoken in a long time... I've been avoiding talking to her and maybe everyone, it's complicated. She had a horror story about my dad and a hidden bottle of vodka when he was visiting. I pushed it down to the place I put the stuff I can't deal with. She's looking for a house, moving back to our home province in the summer, and I tried not to let it make me think about how I've been looking at apartments here but I can't swing the mortgage on my own. I'll figure it out.

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Satisfying things right now: lunch packed for work for once; beautiful tulips in a vase from D in the window; the new yo la tengo album; i took the recycling out and don't have step over it; the prospect of 3.5 weeks straight without traveling... where will i be by the end of the month?

11:36 a.m. - 2018-04-09