Last night I had dinner with my friend who pretty much got me through the PhD slog - it took her 5.5 years, me 7, so we were really in it together forever. She's in town for a conference and i loved catching up and remembering that time and that i have some kind of continuity: i was somewhere else before i was here. We met at my office and walked past the back of the White House - or would have, but they're always shutting it down, WHY, it's a park. Ugh. I swear it was open more often in the Obama years. So we walked around, and went to a kind of asian fusion place I love. I knew she'd love it too because she still lives in New Orleans and when I lived there I remember how I loved Southern and Creole, but also longed for any kind of food that was fresh and tasty because there's just hardly any international anything there. BT came too and I think he had a nice time, altho he said several times that it was a kind of spendy meal, and it was. Resolved to stay home for remaining meals forever, etc.

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I called my dad this morning as I walked part of the way to work, and why don't i call him every day? He didn't say that, I thought it. Great to talk to him, especially in the mornings.. I think he and I are both in better places in the morning. I don't know how I fell out of the habit of picking up the phone and calling home. Partially just feeling like I have nothing to say, but surely i can dredge up something to chat about with my father, my life can't be so empty. He told me a recipe for his beef curry, which is something I love but never make because I typically don't eat much meat and never cook it. But i'm going to try it this evening if I can get out of here early enough to actually make a meal. See previous resolution about meals.

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I woke up this morning thinking about the Montreal shooting at the ecole polytechnique in 1989, which I remember every Dec 6. And then this article appeared in my twitter feed for some reason. It's a harrowing account of the daily life of a 16-year-old survivor of a school shooting in Oregon in 2015. I thought about all these shooting survivors - are we up to thousands now? we must be, after Vegas. I cried, quietly. I spend a lot of time feeling pure despair about these things, but alone. This morning BT was sleeping next to me as I read, and he stirred, slowly waking up. I don't think he knew I was upset, but i felt his hand on my back and it was immeasurably comforting.

10:40 a.m. - 2017-12-06