Home. Saturday with my dad's side, Sunday with my mom'. BT's dad joined on the Saturday and it was actually really nice to have them there. I didn't feel like I had to entertain them the whole time, which gives me hives. Didn't exchange any words w/ my brother's fiancee, oops. I am not winning that relationship. How can it be so hard to find things to say to people, what's wrong with me? My life is not *that* different. ugh, i'm awkward, somehow. The funniest anecdote I had was about taking my friend to the clinic when we got home from Madagasca*r last week because she had flea bites all over her leg and there's plague epidemic in the city where we were staying. But she doesn't have the plague, probably, see, so it's funny. No? I have another amusing anecdote -related- about this girl i backpacked with in India who adopted a dog she found on the street and they both got fleas.

On Saturday night, the kids ate so much dessert and were so tired that they were slumped on the ground in front of the fire trying to sleep around 9pm but so hopped up on sugar and caffeine from my brother's birthday cake that they couldn't stop moving their limbs, so they just writhed around like restless worms. Watching them, I knew how they felt. Several times a month I feel like a 5 year old who's had too much sugar and needs a nap but can't/won't just sleep.

*

Came home and chatted with my sister on the couch, so tired I was kind of hallucinating, but not willing to give up the moment. So rare, about to be even more rare. My sister is here from Vancouver..next time she comes home it will be with the baby. This house has not had a baby around since my brother, 32 years ago. The bump hates/loves the immersion blender sound and kicks ferociously every time he hears it. My mother was horrified that we were traumatizing him but my sister laughed, slightly maniacally, and did it again.

Three kinds of pie: pear, apple, and pumpkin. Beautiful sunset. I tried to take a photo but not even close capturing the livid orange and the way the light gave all the yellowing leaves a luminous glow around the edges. Leaves are finally changing, even though it was so warm we ate thanksgiving dinner outside for the first time ever.

*

Last week I had my 1 year anniversary of moving to DC and I mostly haven't hated it - on balance, I would say: net positive. BT was in DC for the last week, for the first time since... April? He was sick the whole time, and I was just...over all it. I need more routine in my life I'm tired of negotiating with BT trying to find ways to line up our lives. We flew back to TO together and I just felt vaguely dissatisfied with everything about the short visit and how stupid this all is and actually really wondering seriously, for the very first time, about what my options are.

10:21 a.m. - 2017-10-09