spent the day at baby apartment in Brooklyn w/ my friends and their two month old twins. Super cute but woah, that is a lot to manage. They made it look almost easy and I thought to myself more than once that BT and I are nowhere near the place that you need to be to take that on. There is a lot of care and trust and planning and and and. So I'm stepping out of whatever optimistic bubble i've been in and facing hard truths about this relationship. No clear decisions, just thinking.

got out of there for a few minutes in the evening to go pick up a growler but mostly just for fresh air and a break. I notice that i am feeling happier and less anxious. This is good. Focusing on the good things.

11:14 p.m. - 2017-01-13