woah woah woah i had a lot of stuff happen today.

I sent in an application for a job at home(ish). Kind of a big deal for me, applying to a stable job after all these years of traipsing around. Also, to open up to possibilities I hadn't thought of. I guess I was inspired by the Obama-like optimism sweeping Canada. I swear, I teared up at all the women and minorities in the cabinet. Even a person in a wheelchair! It was like a participaction ad from the 80s and it felt so so good (My father called to tell me, "couldn't you just see your sister in that group?", and I could. We had a nice moment, being so proud of her).

I should add that I watch all this liberalmania with caution, as I have lived through the Obama-fever (which reminds me of the sudden proliferation of "Obama Food Stalls" and "Obama General Groceries" I saw in Ethiopia and Kenya right after.. that was a global fever.. omg the nobel peace prize! i forgot that one), and the inevitable disillusionment is not pretty, but after the last several years of grim, it feels really really good to feel hopeful, so I will take it.

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When it rains it pours, because this afternoon the guy I work with on my consultancies called to let me know about a permanent job opening up. It is based in Eastern Africa. I called BT to tell him about and while I'm sure he was COMPLETELY freaked out (I pictured him doing the Munch Silent Scream over the phone where I couldn't see him), at least he didn't turn it down flat. I am not quite sure I want it (maybe all that thinking about new things and hope got me excited about going in a new direction, and this would be WAY WAY MORE of the same), but anyway, worth going through the process i think.

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I screwed up my courage and met with my advisor this afternoon and the feeble progress i've made on the PhD was approved and that made me feel like I have been moving it all a bit forward. In part it went well because he is getting kind of old and maybe didn't remember I showed him all this in late September, but I will take it anyway.

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I haven't been sleeping all that well for a few days since an unexpected email from work made me wonder if I've been illegally working. Stressful! These h0meland security people are not messing around. But I went in to see the super nice visa lady and she was as helpful as always and it looks like i'm fine and I got some extra paperwork to be on the safe side.

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SO in sum: The future looks not grim and maybe even hopeful, and I may actually finish this damn thing (I still feel really anxious about it. But maybe dialed slightly down from nuclear anxiety). And i'm not going to get kicked out of the country. I might sleep better tonight.

8:45 p.m. - 2015-11-05