ugh, the last few days were far from ideal but i think i'm on the upswing after what i am pretty sure was the closest thing i've ever had to a panic attack on Thursday. I can't even articulate all the things i'm stressed about. This is bad. But tomorrow is a new day, etc.

This morning i got out of bed(!), I ate breakfast(!) and I left the house(!). All things I hadn't done in a few days. I biked uptown to my friend's place and took her 15 month old to the park for a couple of hours and that helped. Like a therapy dog*. It is harder to be anxious when a toddler is obsessed with your feet and thinks everything you say is hilarious. The sky was blue, the clouds were fluffy, and the oak trees were cloaked in spanish moss. On my way home, I got a flat (of course I did) so I just gave up and took the day off. Walked my bike all the way to the river and read a magazine in the sun and watched the ships go by. Watching water is always soothing. My phone was dead, and it was amazing. No one could reach me and I couldn't reach anyone. It was just me there on my own. Me and all the tourists on segways. In the magazine there was a film review with the sentiment that one of the benefits of age is that it allows one to differentiate between a life style and a life. One can hope. I'm not there yet.

*i would never say this to my friend.

11:16 p.m. - 2015-03-29