i am so deeply tired, and the weekend isn't the saviour it normally is because i'm leaving tomorrow afternoon to travel to Canada, and then to Uganda.. 4 weeks total away, eek. I don't want to go. I sat on the front stoop by myself to eat my dinner and watched a storm roll in from the river, then when the rain finally got too heavy, i just sat in the doorway with my butt in the house and my feet on the stoop, and I closed my eyes and let the mist coat my face and arms. It's been hot.

And then i came inside and played my keyboard for a while, which I've been doing more of. If only I could do something with it. Again, I catch myself - that thing that if i do something just for myself it is meaningless.

But I relish this alone time and today I had the sudden fear that after this year I will never ever manage alone time again, and it was incomprehensible, but all too possible.

*
Discovered a pancake place I've been meaning to go into for 8 years. I always loved the look of it, off to the side, sort of lonely but with fancy doors. And then when i finally went in, it was PACKED. At 10am on a Tuesday. A large place, every table occupied. What?! Everyone knew about it all this time and I was missing. I sat at the bar, and it was like cheers but with pancakes, and also, pancake breakfast with coffee, 5$. Score.

Gah, late for beers. Have to go fake energy with alcohol. And then drunk pack, which won't be the disaster it could be because i'm pretty sure i can now pack for a 4 week trip in my sleep. Which is saying something.

7:49 p.m. - 2014-06-27