The roommates are out of town and i was so relieved to be alone, I barely left the house this weekend.

These aren't my real roommates, we've just sublet the rooms while we figure out what to do. These new people are fine, but it feels like treading water while i wait for the next phase of my life to start. After being rooted in community for so long, this sense of being unmoored is a little exhausting. Or I guess it's not so much exhausting as it is just Not Energizing. Home is suddenly less of a haven and more of a billet. Blah.

In response, I plunged overboard into deep introversion the moment I had the opportunity. And I didn't spend my weekend in productive introversion. I had all kinds of projects I meant to do: get the vermicompost running; the market; the gym; sewing and patching; I was going to volunteer at a book thing. I had a few invites to a birthday cookout, a pool party down the street, and a movie. God knows I am not in a position to be ignoring any invitations these days. I should really be doing all the things I need to do to make this city feel like home again.

Instead I read the newspaper, the new yorker, and romance novels on my Kindle. I made two batches of (awesome! banana and yogurt!) pancakes, which I reheated and ate for 4 meals straight. I watched way too much Arrested Development and I slept and slept and slept. I don't think I talked to anyone in person. At some point i made myself go on a road trip, which was just a walk down the street to get apple juice. Maybe that was Saturday evening.

At some point in the middle of Sunday night I woke up sleepwalking through the house wheeling MY BIKE from my room down the hallway. The house smelled like burning, and once I was fully awake, i put the bike against the wall and wandered around checking outlets and the kitchen until I satisfied myself that the house wasn't on fire. I waited a little longer to make sure the neighbour's house wasn't on fire, and then shrugged and went back to sleep. It was a weird 20 minutes. I later found out that there is a huge marsh fire east of the city.

The weekend felt like forever, but it also felt like only five minutes. This morning, I emerged, blinking, into Monday. On the elevator, I felt totally displaced among people.

12:52 a.m. - 2011-08-30