Last night there were crowds, mostly men and boys, thronging the streets. There may have been women but I did not see any. Even though i knew all the shouting and cheering was celebrating Independence Day, and i assume was meant joyfully, I felt a seething, aggressive energy. I guess the recent military past makes even a spontaneous street parade seem a little more organized, or somehow martial than I am used to, coming from new orle@ns.

I don't like crowds in strange cities anymore. I remember plunging into celebrations and floating along with the energy in guy@na, in trinid@d, in indi@. Day or night, I almost always felt safe. But last night I stayed in the hotel^ and watched from above.

*
One of my best friends just emailed to say she is getting married in Seattle at the end of June. I really want to go, even though it's in 4 weeks and I promised to spend that week in Mtl with BT. I messaged BT to tell him and he said, "let's think about it," which sounds so simple but is so far from what he might have said when we started that I was startled into tears. (Clearly, it is time for bed).

^it's my first time staying in a hotel in @ddis; I usually stay with friends or in a hostel or bed and breakfast. Today I ordered room service for dinner. I'm becoming someone else.

12:20 a.m. - 2011-05-30