still in ad*is. rough few months at work. i am convinced I'm not meeting expectations, i am suffused with guilt at not working harder, i feel thick and stupid and out of my depth. i am dealing with interagency politics, and everything is moving at a completely demotivating glacial pace. oh and also? don't work with friends. it's much harder to manage when the relationship goes toxic. fortunately, after a while i cease to care, but oh, it's the while that gets me.

i came home on thursday after a 12 h workday in which I accomplished approximately 2 hours of work. I listened to wiretap via cbc podcasts for 3 hours, drank hot cocoa, and left my phone and laptop in my bag. I did an hour of yoga, had a bath. by the time i went to bed i felt like there was a possibility that one day i will remember who i am.

i keep trying to remember how it felt when I hopped on that plane to Thailand with $1000 and nowhere to be. 7 years later, i'm daydreaming of doing it all over again, trying for the alternate ending.

2:09 p.m. - 2010-07-17