from new orleans to montreal is a culture change, a temperature drop, and a mind shift. I've been so focused on school these last two weeks and it felt good to finally get things moving and escape the constant guilt. But the Christmas break snuck up on me and suddenly I'm wrenched from my hard-won routine to montreal where I am reminded that there is a whole world outside my office: this boy, my family, friends with hobbies and other pursuits. There are people with lives outside of school, people who think about art or music or books or politics or ALL OF THOSE THINGS. It must be nice out there, but oh, I don�t need to remember that there�s more to the world than equations and papers.

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Maybe now we�re past the honeymoon phase and trying to actually figure each other out (figure us out?). Does everyone tiptoe through this part unsure of where to step? Sometimes everything lines up and oh, there is laughter and spark and we are in this little world, content. Other times I wonder whether the distance masks irreconcilable differences in lifestyle and outlook. Am I pushing too hard or being a pushover? How far can chemistry take us? How much do you get from one person, how much do you get from the rest of your community? How do I learn the answers to all these questions, anyway? You think you know yourself, but then it turns out that it's all context.

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(listening to CBC Radio3: Car01yn Mark and NQ Arbuck1e "you're so good to me it's weird; i think i'm happy")

1:14 a.m. - 2009-12-21