i can't remember where i used to put my fear. did i say it out loud? write it here? did i tell my friends, back when i had people with whom i shared all things banal and urgent?

last night on npr a man, a writer, an alcoholic. he wept his way through the interview. when asked to read a piece of his father's writing; when asked about his past; when asked about his future. at the end she asked him, "your emotions, they seem so close to the surface. were they always like this? were you always like this?" and he said, "when i was drinking, i don't think i cried for 25 years"

i think it might be like that for me. with fear.

8:35 p.m. - 2009-09-30