i biked home early, singing nina simone and trying to ignore the cramps ravaging my abdomen. i feel a bit lost now that the visiting canadians have left, and i opened the door half-hoping there'd be someone there to cuddle with, but the house was empty. i took some pills and fell into bed in a deep dreamless sleep and woke up confused and disoriented. The clock read 6:30 and i was unsure whether it was am or pm.

i used to write all the time. and dream. it's getting harder to do that, with all the deadlines and reading and work. i used to thrive on spontaneity and now i feel like a big boat that takes forever to turn.

i think i'm going to ethiopia at the end of march, maybe for a few months. it seems beautiful, and i know i will love it. but i can't find the part of my soul that rejoices in the romance of new places.

11:53 p.m. - 2009-02-26