wistful.

why do i always want to be in two places at once?

i'm working in my room, which is filled with the bright warm light that is late february in louisiana. The jasmine is out and i can smell it on my hands from where i crushed flowers into my palms last night. The living room is filled with sparkles and ribbons and masks. Long streamers attached to hula hoops hanging from 9 foot poles that we scavenged from mardi gras parades. There's a warm breeze blowing off the mississippi and the streamers are rippling and swirling and the room looks like magic.

and i'm thinking about heading home, about family and friends and a whole other life that i left behind.

There is fear in my chest. Fear that i keep moving and moving and moving and suddenly i'll find that i can't stop. in this moment. be in this moment i tell myself. but i'm a thinker. there is so much going on in the back of my mind and 97% of it is fearful of change.

11:34 a.m. - 2009-02-27