I jotted down a 2008 wishlist and felt rather disgusted with the nesting instinct that has taken over my brain:
- new pillows
- plants for my room
- a bookshelf
- mattes and frames for my prints

don't i want anything else?
sure:
- a nearby climbing gym
- sunshine
- a good book
- some new music

there. i feel rounder. oh.. speaking of:
- a volleyball team
- a hiking partner
- money so i can go to yoga every week

that should take care of the roundness.

*

my roommate and i are temporarily sharing our narrow new orleans shotgun with her boyfriend. On good days this is good. On bad days, the sound of their laughter gives me aching pangs and i feel like their room is a warm and shining centre while mine is a dark and brooding periphery.

Today is one such vulnerable day. A few months ago I got dumped by a friend who moved away and then sent me a nasty email, which I promptly deleted and tried to forget. Said friend now back in town, I am reminded of all that was written. It is hard not to dwell on the hurt that someone decided I don't bring anything worth keeping. And then felt strongly enough to write me an email telling me that I suck. It is purely personal.

12:43 a.m. - 2008-01-04