rainy days are delicious in april. left the suit at home and wore a t-shirt and cargos to work (and hello, President of the company, visiting from Nebraska. Nice to meet you) so i can take off my shoes (one blue sock, one black sock... again, hello. please hire me full time. i'm a professional), and perch cross-legged on my chair.

It's a day for lots of hot coffee. I put away my newfangled music (although it's so good! Arcade Fire, Postal Service, Modest Mouse, the Weakerthans) away in favour of old favorites - U2, Blue Rodeo, the Hip, Paul Simon.

i burned out a bit last week so I'm sticking close to home - long work days bracketed by naps, walks, the kitchen and cups of tea. I can't remember the last time i had three nights in a row at home, and i guess i need that sometimes. I want to call in sick and spend a day at home sleeping, but i know i should save the day off for next week when my sister comes home (!).

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i can't believe how fickle i am. Things that seemed ideal last month just look like a bad idea in the light of this week. I hate the idea of fickle. Instead, perhaps I could use 'resilient'. I love that word.. it makes me think of tree sap... resin?

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I had lunch with a few friends yesterday and I said goodbye to one who's leaving to go backpacking in BC for the summer. I left them in the parking lot in the bright spring sunshine and I had to head up here to this office and its stuffy inside air and my desk and reports and impending carpal tunnel. gah. I like my job, but I dream of throwing a few things in my pack and heading to Mexico to learn Spanish. Hot sun and spicy salsa. I dream of buying a car and picking up my sister and driving to Gros Morin in Newfoundland and camping for a month. I dream of returning to my rock at the mouth of the Ganges in the Himalayas.

Shouldn't we have lives where we don't dream of other lives? Is that even possible?

[ha! i just reread that... look at me all daring in cargo pants and a tshirt... who AM i?]

10:51 p.m. - 2005-04-07