i feel a bit like i'm running on a different time from everyone else. I can't quite explain it, but i feel most comfortable alone. I am cramming my life full of people to force myself out of it.

That said, the weekend in nova scotia was beautiful. Markets and kitchens and huddling under blankets with my sister and the newly-engaged(!) pr. Long drives through snow tinged sunset-pink.

I wish it was summer. I am longing for camping under pine trees. loons echoing over lakes. PR pointed out that if i live in Edmonton next year, Yellowknife will be only 23 hours away!

Can't go wrong with that, hey?

Wonder what the Europeans would think of that? They used to just freak out when I'd say stuff like, 'i lived in ottawa, only a five hour drive from toronto'

'"ONLY" five hours?' they just couldn't get over that. I think of my friend johnny, who flies six hours straight north from Montreal to get home. I just love this country.

*

I have some things to sort out with someone and I can't put it off any longer. Tonight tonight tonight. I hate having to defend myself. I hate this nervous stomach feeling. Tomorrow I will be brimming with the things I should have said. I remind myself she's worth it, because she is. I hope i don't cry. I hate that.

cutting myself off from PC decadent chocolate chip cookies. I just can't control myself around them. They are no longer allowed in this house.

bah. chocolate chip cookies and angry-faced friends... they haunt my dreams.

3:36 p.m. - 2005-02-01