It was just a splitsecond snap, but ohgod, the echoes. Later: dissection a million ways as we all tried to make sense of madness. What tipped the randomness into this particular pattern and all its heartbreak? At what point did it become inevitable that I would lie here fighting to find meaning where there is none?

Was it when they retired, and chose a city for its metropolitan feel and lovely climate? Was it earlier? A sister married against everyone's advice. An odd, dishonest child. Family rivalries. Squabbles. Arguments.

Sometimes I think we need to look even further back. To a time when a storm downed a ship. When a family�s fortunes shifted, slid, and began a slow decline.

Or was the randomness still swirling the whole time? Maybe they had a chance right until the moment he knocked on the door. Lost his temper. Picked up a knife.

4:11 p.m. - 2003-11-18