I�m getting used to this. All of it. Every morning used to feel like a slap in the face. The sudden onslaught of heat, noise, smells, and people used to make me catch my breath like I�d jumped into an icy lake.

Now� I barely blink. This morning I walked to the train station in my usual morning daze. I shoved my way into position in the crush, grabbed a metal pole, and hauled myself into the women�s compartment of the slow local (platform 3).

I ended up crushed against a woman with a basket of shrimp on her head. I used to mutter thankful prayers for the genetics that place me half a foot above the fragrant grove of armpits exposed as we all cling to overhead poles. Even that half-foot wasn�t enough. Through September and October, I found myself craning my neck upward, gasping for breath in a sea of sari silk. Not anymore. This morning, my height placed me at nose level with tiny pink shrimp and their beady black eyes and I barely noticed. I didn�t even blink when the woman leaned over and emptied her bag of smelly shrimp entrails out the open doorway as the train passed over a sludge-blackened waterway.

[I hate that water. Black, shiny, and steaming. It looks like the end of the world.]

Pushed my way off the train and out of the station. Families live here all along the pavement. In the mornings I walk past rows of naked toddlers have their baths in the street. Kids were dragging scraps of pink sari through the dust. That same sari started the week tied to the railway pilings as someone�s hammock. The next day it had become individual swings for small kids. Then they had capes for a few days. Now the scraps are used in sand games. Nothing ever goes to waste.

Up the stairs, over the bridge past Preaching Man, Blind Man, and Tiny Woman shaking their tin cups to remind us that they�re down there on the pavement. My first month here, I was so painfully aware of those beggars. I�d carefully avert my eyes and try not to choke on my guilt. These days, I just sweep by with the rest of the crowd.

5:48 p.m. - 2003-11-12