oh, this beautiful gorgeous feeling at the beginning of something good. if i mess this up, i am going to kick myself so hard. dancing and movies and funniness and happiness. that is what i want and it's within my reach if i am not crazy.

it is so hard to see what you can offer.

but i just think: look at these beautiful people surrounding me. i have a gillian and an andrea and a john and a penelope and a mary. and so many more that i lose count. i have to tell my 11 year old self that i have come so far and i do have so much to give.

oh. i managed the century club. 100 shots in 100 minutes. and there was some horrible 70s porn. i can't imagine someone jacking off to the horribleness of it all. geh.

porn.

i'm okay. i'm going to be fine. i'll just keep telling myself that, and i know it will be so.

3:13 a.m. - 2003-02-22