things are rapidly reaching a breaking point. I don't know what that will mean, but i know i'm almost there.

I am taking things back. I am taking back my life. My thoughts. My journal. My actions. My time? That will be more difficult, but i'm going to try.

What does this all mean? I realize that it isn't anything external holding me back. It's just myself. So... it's time to start doing what i want. Writing what i want. Saying what i want. Asking for what I want. Telling people what i want.

Everyone else does it, and I'm just consistently reactive (read: passive) because i think they're smarter, or more logical, or that they must be right because they speak with so much assurance.

It's hard to go from a lifetime of playing a role to just figuring out who i am and consistently being that person (regardless of geekiness), but i really am going to do it.

2:01 p.m. - 2003-02-02