10:26 p.m.
all kinds of nothing has happened recently and it made me feel like i just don't want to be close to anyone for a while.

i feel i have nothing to give. like i don't want anyone to give anything to me and i don't want to take anything from anyone. i don't feel like investing anything.

and i'm still there, but tonight i had a little bit of time to think about myself and how i feel and then i happened to mention some of those things to a friend and we had a real, honest, actual conversation, and oh my god it has been so long since i had one of those.

it was orgasmic.

[oh and it has also been so long since i had one of those]

i got so used to being on my own that i forgot that you actually do need to give little bits of yourself away all the time.

scary.

2005-09-16

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